PATIENCE: A VIRTUE FOR SUSTAINING CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP

Introduction

Some courtships had broken up as a result of a lack of patience in one or the two who were in the courtship. Some potential couples have missed God’s will for their lives due to a lack of patience. Some are regretting today because impatience has robbed them of the true fortune their ex-partner now possesses. I strongly believe that knowledge of this message will surely help singles in their courtship and future marriages. We are considering the topic “Patience: A Virtue for Sustaining Courtship Relationship”.

Courtship Relationship

Courtship describes the time when two people have a romantic relationship before they get married. Courtship is the process of developing a marital relationship (Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary). The use of the word “romantic” reveals what goes on between two unbelievers, and perhaps two believers in Christ who yield to temptation in courtship. Courtship explains the period a man and woman who have agreed to marry each other spend together before the wedding. It may be a period of three or six months or more. A period of one year or more. It should be a period for spiritual growth, emotional, social physical and financial development. However, some use their courtship period wrongly for some nasty things. Courtship is a period of praying together, planning together, knowing and building up one another. And when people, neighbours, friends or church members see them together, they know that they are in a relationship. That is a courtship relationship.

Types of Relationship

• Friendship relationship
• Boyfriend/girl-friend relationship
•Course mate relationship
• Co-worker relationship
• Courtship relationship
• Marital relationship
There could be other types of relationships but based on the focus of this paper, we focus on courtship relationships. All forms of relationship demand that those who are in the relationship possess an attitude of patience, especially those who are in courtship. This is because it will help them better in their marital relationship, which is their goal of entering into the courtship in the first instance.

Patience: A Virtue to be possessed

According to the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, patience is the ability to stay calm and accept a delay or something annoying without complaining. It is the ability to spend a lot of time doing something difficult that needs a lot of attention and effort. Generally, everybody needs patience in life. Anyone who lacks patience can quickly be frustrated, can quickly be discouraged, can quickly be disappointed, can quickly accept failure, can quickly make a wrong decision, etc. Patience is gain. The common saying in Yoruba “Surulere” is literarily interpreted to mean no gain in impatience. Patience can cook to be done. “Suuru lee se outa Jina”. So everyone needs patience that cooks stone until it is done. The scripture says “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control… (Galatians 5:22 – 23). “Be joyful in hope, patience in affliction, faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12). Patience is a virtue every Christian, whether singles or married should possess and exhibit. It is one of the fruits of the spirit “…patience is better than pride” (Ecclesiastes 7:8). Sources of Patience Patience can be traced to the following sources
• Wisdom: “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offence (Proverbs 19:11). A patient person overlooks offences. This is an area where the ability of a patient person lies. A man or a woman who has wisdom does not lack patience.
•The Spirit: “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5:22 - 23). Sequel to being born again is the infilling of the Holy Spirit. A child of God means a believer in Christ, who is filled with the Holy Spirit should automatically manifest the fruit of the spirit. This implies that such a person should spiritually be patient with people, especially with whoever they are in courtship or marital relationship with.
• Hereditary: Patience could be inherited from parents. Some people are naturally patient though they are not born again. Perhaps they inherited it from their parents.
• Experience: Impatience may teach one to be patient. The impatience of the Tortoise made it have a bar head. He poured hot porridge into its cap and covered its head with it. Hence, it's bar head.

Benefits ofPatience in Courtship

These benefits also explain the reasons for patience in a relationship. At times people may take one’s patience for stupidity. A proverb says “Yiyo ekun ti ojo ko”. However, it is generally believed that “Suuru lere”, patience has been gained. Let’s examine some benefits of patience.
• Understanding: “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly”. A patient person takes time to study and understand situations before acting. Hence, he behaves wisely.
• A patient person calms quarrels: “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms quarrels (Proverbs 15:18). The ability to calm quarrels brings peace and a strong relationship whether courtship or marital.
• A patient person achieves better things: “Better a patient man (person) than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32). “Wisdom is better than weapons of war” (Ecclesiastes 9:18). Wisdom gives patience”. Although one who practices patience and self-control receives far less attention and acclaim than a warrior who takes a city, a patient man accomplishes better things”. This is very true. Patience is a must-have for everybody, especially those who are Christians and are in a relationship. Better things such as (1) a peaceful, strong and sustainable relationship, (2) winning against hot-temperedness, (3) acquisition of wealth, etc. A person who possesses patience possesses everything.
• A patient person (man) has good self-control. It takes a man who possesses good self-control to calm quarrels (Proverbs 15:18). “A fool shows his annoyance at once a prudent man overlooks an insult” (Proverbs 12:16). Other benefits are: • A patient person makes a hard situation or things soft and easy to handle.
• A patient person keeps a peaceful and sustainable relationship.
• A patient person is protected from trouble and problems that may ensue through impatience. “Patience is bitter but its fruits are sweet”. Yes! It is not easy to be patient but a patient person enjoys the above benefits and many more.

Conclusion

Deducing on the above, it is clear that the place of patience in sustaining a relationship cannot be over-emphasized. The reasons for, or benefits of patience as highlighted above unveil that to sustain a relationship whether courtship or marital, potential couples and married couples must possess Christian virtues. Patience is one of such virtues. Patience cannot be too much; only that it cannot be enough. A patient person could be taken for a fool but wisdom lies with him or her. When your patience is tested; give the right answer – be patient. If you pass, you’ll enjoy the sweet fruits of patience.